Nobody ever told me....

What the crap....these are some of the things that nobody ever told me about parenting - maybe if they had I wouldn't be in this predicament...

1. Not only will I change a gazillion diapers, but then even when they are potty trained, I'll hear
a voice from the bathroom - "Mom, come wipe my butt."

2. You no longer need an alarm clock. Even if you have one, there is no need to set it because
you'll be woken up before it is set to go off anyway.

3. I will spend everyday from the second they are born doing at least one load of laundry and
two loads of dishes.

4. Just when I think I've figured it all out- they find a new weakness and attempt to exploit it.

5. The terrorizing feeling of taking your first baby home from the hospital is nothing compared to
sitting in traffic after a long day with 3 cranky toddlers.

6. I never knew I'd wish I owned a limo - not only is there more leg room, a sunroof and a mini
fridge, but they have those nifty little windows that roll up between the kids and the driver so
I don't have to listen to anymore (*bleep*) while driving.

7. A boy doesn't need sugar to be hyper - they are naturally designed to run, jump, scream and
shout - all for absolutely no reason at any given time.

8. When you have no kids in tow, the longest line or the slowest cashier at the grocery store is
your best friend. Take that moment to pick up a magazine and catch up on all those frickin
rich people that have kids, then hire nannies to actually raise them.

9. The super mom down the street that you've always admired is really just hopped up on
prozac and faking it, because that much perfection isn't possible! If it is, she's on the top of my
hit list.

10. Boys of all ages are absolutely facinated with their packages - I never knew I'd have to
say"get your hands out of your pants" at least once a day.